Yep, the moment of truth has at long last arrived - actually arrived three-and-a-third (or so) days ago now... . Throwing all further privacy and silence to one side, I've decided I finally need to own it - openly - to the world-at-large: i.e. the fact that I am an *unregenerate hoarder. Yes, I've long been afflicted with, have indeed pretty well from my
later teens (anyway), had a lifetime/lifelong affliction with OCD:
obsessive-compulsive disorder (that is, on top of all my various and
sundry physical 'afflictions' such as Gilbert's Syndrome (diagnosed in
later 2006) and Coeliac's Disease (in mid-2009).) So to use the terminology so much in vogue these days, yes, I'm finally making my move and **'coming out'. Whew! It's finally 'all out there' (as they say)... .
'They say' the very first step in dealing with/overcoming any major psycho-emotional disorder/condition/affliction is to admit/confess/concede/come clean about (the fact) - if at first only with oneself, 'in one's heart of hearts', as it were - that yes, me, myself & I am/are - currently - afflicted with so-and-so/such-and-such (a condition/ailment etc)., and of course once one has achieved that moment of breakthrough/revelation/insight/honesty, there are ***numerous subsequent steps involved.
*But certainly I do not use the term in the strictly theological sense, as I would not deny having, at my conversion (and ever since), experienced what was once referred to as the 'quickening' of the Holy Spirit. Rather I use it to signify the reality that I am still dealing with all or much of the fallout and implications of said 'condition'. Some addicts, such as alcoholics, are apparently told never to ever think of themselves, let alone suggest to others, that they will ever be completely free of the condition in this life; rather, one is always an [alcoholic etcetera], but has 'simply' entered into a new phase as a 'recovering' [alcoholic etc].
**Again, I appreciate I've borrowed this terminology from it's regular context, have appropriated it to my own use...but hey, it's a free world as they say, and the language is there for us to use in any and every appropriate way we so choose - though forces both overt and more often covert these days would seek to deny us that privilege as we're so well aware... .
Furthermore, I'm using the term for one major additional purpose: to put well and truly, finally and completely to bed, to rest any lingering suspicion/assumption/apparent supposition (of some, whether family or friend, or merely occasional acquaintance) - in view of my ongoing status of singlehood (even when many, and some excellent, 'prospects' of (potential) marriage presented themselves to me - ****in decades gone by, anyway...which, unfortunately - or perhaps providentially! - everything depends upon the perspective one brings to a particular situation, they say...'passed me by'); yes, like innumerable others, I'll freely admit to having oftentimes been unlucky in love...but hey, that just makes me human, doesn't it? No, I mean, really!
***See, for (undoubtedly) the best and most frequently cited, most popularly known list/inventory of such steps in the battle against addiction, those forming the famous AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) Charter: as cited/quoted in the Zondervan Bibles' New International Version Recovery Devotional Bible, we have 'The Twelve Steps' outlined (both bullet-pointwise and much more elaborately) in three preliminary appendices, as follows - though subtly adjusted (by Yours Truly) here (for generalized application):
*1) We admitted we were powerless over [our particular addiction] - that our lives had become unmanageable.
*2) Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
*3) Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
*4) Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
*5) Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
*6) Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
*7) Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
*8) Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
*9) Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
*10) Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
*11) Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
*12) Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to [other addicts], and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
****Perhaps I quickly ought to correct that as well, i.e. in terms of any possible wrong impression left... . Yes, I know some will feel my endless corrections not only ponderous, but perhaps indicative of a grandiose sense of myself, but who cares... . I'm simply wanting to add that I've become well and truly comfortable in my singleness - in my own skin, so to speak - in recent years, in fact so 'comfortable' therein that I've - long since now - realized/concluded that I'm well prepared to live out the rest of my days in that particular 'state', much as some much-envied biblical heroes of mine did - wherever my Lord so chooses to place/send me upon Planet Earth...coming to realize in recent times that I believe I may well have that particular 'spiritual gift' indeed... .
To be continued
